fonixmunkee's Blog

Dear Mother Nature,

My name is Richard. You've met me many times. I've spent time in your Church: the Great Outdoors. I've spent time at the Church in the spring, summer, fall, and winter. Even though you mistreat me at times (like that time when you made a tree come crashing down mere feet from my tent! What was that all about?!), I still come to see you. Unfortunately, I've never contacted you directly. So, now I am, because enough mistreatment is enough.
When I say "mistreatment," I don't mean if you make it hail in the middle of July on me while in the backcountry. I don't mean if you make an angry moose almost trample me in my bivy sack while sleeping. And I also don't mean trapping me in a snowy tree well. No, what I mean by "mistreatment" here is simply this: neglect.

What kind of neglect? Well, allow me to examine the current situation: it's 5 degrees out. It's even colder if you count the wind chill. Two days ago, we got 6" of rain. RAIN! Just stop messing with us, Ms. Nature, and give us the white stuff. It's December tomorrow, you know. The Midwest yearns for snow. At least the skiers and boarders of the Midwest do. And as of right now, you've neglected us with the lack of white stuff. This is what I mean about mistreatment: neglecting us of a crucial element for skiing and snowboarding.

Now, I can understand your hesitation to indulge us in snow. Realistically, it's not completely your fault. We humans have been mistreating you, too. I mean, with all our garbage we dump in and on your Church, the emissions we pump into the vaulted ceilings of your church, and how we seem to be messing with the thermostat in your church as well, it's no wonder you aren't providing us with snow. But here's the thing: your Mother-freakin-Nature...you are the most powerful force in the world. Can't you overpower our mistakes and help us out?

Here's what I can do to help you out. I am religious recycler, but I'll kick it up a notch. I'll help expand our recycling program here at work. I'm going to the store tonight to pick up some of those low-power light bulbs for my house--you know, the ones that take less energy, last longer, and in the end help reduce the amount of carbon released into the air? I'll also donate some of my time to help maintain the aisles in your church. There's a nice aisle right outside my door--the Superior Hiking Trail--that I'll get out there this spring and help maintain. Will this help convince you that I'm serious about my request for snow? I hope so...let me help you.

You hold the keys, Ms. Nature. It's up to you from here. I can only do so much. I'll ask some others if they can help out, but only a few of them are as passionate about skiing and other winter activities as I am. To some of them, they are just happy that they don't have to shovel or blow snow. But trust me, there's a few of us who have labored in your name for a long time who are graciously asking for your blessing of the white stuff.

In closing, I am pleading with you to give up the tease: just give us some snow! I see some men trying to imitate you with their snow guns and pressurized water cannons, but it's not the same as the all-natural your provide. I understand that this request is a two way street, and as I've mentioned, I'll do my best to help you out as well. For now, however, the ball's in your court.

Please feel free to contact me however you deem worthy: e-mail, phone, or postal letter. I'll also accept 6" of snow as a sign that you've received this letter. I'll take a tsunami or rainstorm is a sign that you disapproved this request. Thanks again for your time, and I hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,

-Richard